Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Staying Friends When one of You Gets Married

Oceangram found March 27, 2012
Just a little rant.
I am a Mother, I am the first out of all my friends to get married and have a child. Since I have had a kid my friends treat me very differently, I don't believe this is on purpose but it is still very hurtful.
Just thought I would spread the word to everyone out there that has a friend with a kid(s) to remember that just because they have children now does not mean they are different people. It also does not mean that they don't want to still go out and have a good time. My friends have a terrible habit of ASSUMING that I am too busy to get together, or that I can't get together b/c I have to stay home and watch my kid, this is not always the case. I may need a little more notice when plans are made, but I still want to go out with them, even more so now as a Mom! As far as being too busy, I find that I spend most of my day bored and wishing I had someone to talk to or get together with. I try to tell them this but they don't seem to get it. Who knows maybe they don't want to spend time with me anymore?
I never thought my friends who I have been close with since I first met them when I was 11 would do this to me, but it happend. I know one day when they decide to have kids they will understand, lets just hope it's not too late and they have pushed me too far away.
friends past like ships in the night but family stay with you forever...these frineds dont sound like real friends at all to me. just look at sex and the city after miranda had her kid...nothing changed at all, her friends were there through the good times and the bad. they were there before the kid and they were even closer after. thats what real friends do. stick by you and find the time nomatter what!!!
x x x kel x x x
Wait until you get divorced then, It's worse still! No, I don't wish it upon you but unfortunately it happens to many of us eventually.
My then wife and I were often invited out to dinners, BBQ's etc but since we separated it seems like our mutual friends and neighbours feel like they can't invite us both, so don't invite us individually in case the one who wasn't invited might get offended.
Initially it probably wasn't a good idea to invite both of us as the hosts knew our 'relationship' was strained and they would feel uncomfortable but, now they know  they can invite us both and one of us may decline the invitation as we now communicate very well (we had to get to this stage because of the kids) and our hosts have been told this.
So, TALK to your friends as we talked to ours and they will understand.
Tawaguy, Wellington, New Zealand 4 Sept 2007

What do you think about friendship after marriage and kids?

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