Thursday, February 01, 2007

Professor Martin's Predictions: A Cooperative Story

Professor Martin Tarr stood at the front of the auditorium addressing
a crowd of over 1000 people. "The data does not lie," he said, "When
you look at the linear progression on these charts, it becomes
obvious that within 10 years, we will all...
be living off of mushrooms. The ice age will return and we will all
be living in the bottom of the ocean eating specially treated


Our poop will float to the top and will eventually melt the ice and
then we will again....
be going North in the winter months to stay warm. Michigan will
become the # 1 state for snowbirds.
"Bullshit," said a voice from the audience.
"Yeah! What a load of crap" comes another cry from the audience
...Mr. Tarr becomes very angry about such statements.
"I'm right, believe me. Good old Europe may be the first country, who
has nothing than ice."
"What about global warming?!" comes a shout from the crowd.
Mr. Tarr states: "Global warming is bullshit. Al Gore is an idiot.
President Bush is the best president ever."
"But didn't Bush kill all the dinosaurs?" asked someone. "Isn't he
also the cause of crotch itchiness and currently growing carbon
dioxide levels?"
Commercial break...he,he
"Beer and pretzels, anyone/"
On with the show>>>>>

Hold on, I gotta pee first.
To get back to the story:

Proffesor Tarr decided to get his class back on track. "I'm sorry
about my previous statement, the increasing CO2 levels, acid rain and
dependence on oil and other limited resources has deteriorated my
brain tissue that I tend to say ridiculous things. What I really
wanted this conversation to be about is that Rhode Island, neither
Road nor Island...discuss."
In the meantime, I will visit the facilities down the hall.

Several minutes later...

Taking up where we left off, let us approach the data from a
different perspective. With a gentle whirrr, a large marker board
dropped from the ceiling. It was covered from top to bottom with
complicated and nearly indecipherable equations. Professor Tarr
continued, "If you follow the probability curve, cube it and divide
by 2, you see something disturbing and not a little discombobulating.
I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but
in another year the sky will no longer be blue. It will be lime

"No way!", one of the students yelled.

"You're lying!", yelled another.

Professor Tarr stared at his students for a long while. Then he
shouted, "you're right. I'm just kiddin'. The sky isn't going to turn
green. But...

..we are all apt to turn purple which will be a most horrific

Purple People (3gs)
Originally uploaded by imagepeace.

for then we will be invaded...class...are you ready for
this? When we turn purple every person will be on their on as we are
invaded by an army of, one horn, flying purple people
eaters...I believe that will be THE END! (of us all)
Not so, as up in the Ice Fishing shack Captain Canada is working on a
syrum,syram, serium ah shit a concoction that will save the world.
Batman and Robin have been up fishing with him and will deliver the
life saving drug to the people in their Batsnowmobile. Superman
refused to help cause the bible thumpers got to him and said it was
gods will. The recipe people were busy writing purple people recipes
and the morons were enthralled reading this. Orson Wells is to be
charged for causing mass hysteria. at his trial he said .......
Canada Kid 12/27/06
"This is ridiculous! Everybody knows that Martians attacked the
earth but the Air Force and the CIA have covered it all up and made
up this preposterous story about me causing a panic. Your Honor,
throw this case out of court!!"
To which the judge replied . . . .

Originally uploaded by Ronald Hackston.

Found by Sunny


Feel free to finish the story in comments. : )

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